// The Array Function
function makeArray(len) {
for (var i = 0; i < len; i++) this[i] = null;
this.length = len;
}
// This is where the array of text/images/sounds is created.
ideas = new makeArray(137);
ideas[0] = "Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[1] = "Xerox never comes up with anything original.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[2] = "'Blackfeet' and 'Blackfoot' are two completely separate Amerindian tribes.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[3] = "Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[4] = "We're all cousins descended from 33 mothers over 100, 000 years ago.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[5] = "That lump on GW's back was actually a hidden WMD, a 'Willful Microphone Deception'.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[6] = "SWIMS looks the same upside down and backwards.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[7] = "Cat Stevens who changed his name to Yusuf Islam (which recently led to a case of mistaken identity) was born Steve Georgiou.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[8] = "The late Albert Broccoli, creator of the Bond film phenomenon, was formerly a jewelry and casket salesman.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[9] = "CBS co-president Leslie Moonves helped to pick the cast members for Big Brother 5.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[10] = "There are two rules for success in life -- Rule 1: Don't tell people everything you know.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[11] = "What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with? Whatever she wants. He's sleeping.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[12] = "U.S. Olympic sprinter Muna Lee's name has to be pronounced 'Myuna' because 'moona' is a bad word in Greek.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[13] = "The Society of Mutual Autopsy was formed in 1876 to prove that the soul does not exist.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[14] = "Oprah Winfrey got $17.50 a day on jury duty instead of her usual $493,150.00-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[15] = "I guess the 'Show Me' state, Missouri, doesn't want to be the 'Blow me' state'.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[16] = "Horror director M. Night Shyamalan's real complete name is Menoj Nelliyattu Shyamalan.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[17] = "The ruling that declared that gay Americans cannot be treated as 2nd-class citizens was written by Conservative Catholic Republican U.S. Supreme Court Judge Anthony J. Kennedy-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[18] = "Upon viewing the faces carved into Mt. Rushmore, it occurred to me that we shouldn't take freedom for granite.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[19] = "We must be meant for each other. Nobody else will have anything to do with us.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[20] = "The Mental Monk and the Mangled Saxon are in the cast of 'King Arthur' and the looping is by Lyps, Inc.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[21] = "Yik Ton Hung is credited as Wire Technician on Spiderman 2-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[22] = "The last time we mixed politics and religion, someone got burned at the stake.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[23] = "The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[24] = "James Joyce so revered the works of Henrick Ibsen, he learned Norwegian.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[25] = "The Reagans changed their Bel-Air address from the Satanic 666 to 668.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[26] = "After his death of tuberculosis in Germany, Anton Chekhov's body was shipped home in a railroad car labeled 'Fresh Oysters'.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[27] = "A No-Carb Diet for 2004 -- No Rice, No Ashcroft, No Rumsfeld, No Bush: No CARB!-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[28] = "The sound designer on a submission for a Mark Time Radio Award this year is Zerin Loudly.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[29] = "They say don't tell jokes to the English in pubs on Saturday night. They'll laugh in church on Sunday morning.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[30] = "Life's too short to try to live it longer.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[31] = "Samuel L. Jackson's first major stage role was in blackface.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[32] = "An anti-war group planning a demonstration before the Republican National Convention was denied a permit to use Central Park because the crowd would be too large.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[33] = "The first widely distributed film to us the F-word was 'What's New, Pussycat' in 1965.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[34] = "A U.N. agency has just approved the first new Morse code signal since WW II, . - - . - . for @.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[35] = "What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman? You can drop her off anywhere.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[36] = "Why are hurricanes named after women? Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your house and car.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[37] = "The Passion of the Christ' topped the Easter charts, followed by 'Hellboy'.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[38] = "N.J. Gov. Christine Todd Whitman named a turnpike rest stop after Howard Stern.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[39] = "The longest film kiss occurs between Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman in Alfred Hitchcock's 'Notorious'-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[40] = "What do you call a fish with no eyes? -- A fsh.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[41] = "Inside every old person is a young person wondering what the Hell happened.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[42] = "There are more pets in the U.S. than people.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[43] = "Mel Blanc was allergic to carrots-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[44] = "Jackson Junior' is credited as Head of Officeland Security in 'Fog of War'.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[45] = "The 'Gorgeous Woman' in 'Tad Hamilton' is played by Moon Bloodgood.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[46] = "It is impossible to lick your elbow.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[47] = "There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar, the car on the back of a $10 bill is a 1925 Hupmobile, and every day, more money is printed for Monopoly than the for the US Treasury.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[48] = "The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven is $6,400. The pet ferret was domesticated more than 500 years before the house cat. Kermit the Frog is left-handed. Polar bears are left-handed. Right-handed people live on average nine years longer than left-handed people. The average secretary's left hand does 56% of the typing.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[49] = "The first novel ever written on a typewriter was 'Tom Sawyer.' The first couple to be shown in bed together on primetime was Fred and Wilma Flintstone. Coca-Cola was originally green. Nondairy creamer is flammable. Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite. Bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, dishwashers, and laser printers are all invented by women.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[50] = "Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace. There are more chickens than people in the world.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[51] = "Men can read smaller print than women, but women can hear better. Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt. Two-thirds of the world's eggplants are grown in New Jersey.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[52] = "The percentage of wilderness in Africa is 28% and in North America it's 38%. 40% of all people at a party will check out your medicine cabinet. At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[53] = "Stitch Crisp' is the prop-master and 'Pineapple Dan' the Crafts Services Intern in the film, 'Monster-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[54] = "The correct response to the Irish greeting, 'Top of the morning to you', is, 'and the rest of the day to yourself.'-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[55] = "If writers write, why don't fingers fing and hammers ham?-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[56] = "The greatest number of dialogue retakes was 127 -- by Stanley Kubrick, 'The Shining'.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[57] = "Heck is a place where people go who don't believe in Gosh.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[58] = "Amish men average 18,000 steps a day.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[59] = "It's sleepytime in Neverland when the big hand is on the little hand.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[60] = "Homerus Americanus is a red, white and blue Maine Lobster. The pilgrims thought them poisonous and used them for fertilizer.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[61] = "Every calendar's days are numbered.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[62] = "A 2X4 is really 1-1/2 inches by 3-1/2 inches.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[63] = "Korean cell-phone/camera makers Samsung and LG Electronics, have banned use of their own product at their facilities.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[64] = "Swedes are working on a process where a deceased person is freeze-dried, placed in a bio-degradable corn-starch coffin and composted.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[65] = "The latest product to help you wake up in the morning is a caffeinated soap called Shower Shock, equivalent to two cups of coffee.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[66] = "How do you get holy water? You boil the hell out of it.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[67] = "Teeth dissolve and rebuild themselves, but if they dissolve faster than they can be rebuilt, you got a cavity!-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[68] = "Playwright Samuel Beckett once said that he wanted to reduce theatre to' a pair of blubbering lips.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[69] = "What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[70] = "Memo to Cruz Bustamante: Alfred Hitchcock's estate called.They want his silhouette back.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[71] = "The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[72] = "I'm Bi-sexual: I'm usually by myself or I have to pay for it.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[73] = "The Society of Mutual Autopsy was formed in 1876 to prove that the soul does not exist.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[74] = "Kai, Bo, Bi' is 'Scissors, Rock, Paper' as it's played in Korea.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[75] = "Cybill Sheperd says Gray Davis is a good kisser.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[76] = "Remember, Schickelgruber was Austrian, too.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[77] = "What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone? - I didn't wake up this morning...-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[78] = "Bob Hope was so old that his NY Times obituary was written by the late Vincent Canby.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[79] = "If you're addicted to cybersex you're a MAC off.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[80] = "A 'Shrimp Cocktail' is' Sea Monkeys in Smirnoff.'-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[81] = "Do smokers say, 'Here's ash in your eye?-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[82] = "A grenade thrown into a French kitchen would result in 'Linoleum Blown apart'-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[83] = "'Gone With The Wind' would have amassed $2.4 billion in today's dollars, beating 'Star Wars' and 'Titanic'-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[84] = "In democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism it's your count that votes.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[85] = "Hillary said to Barbara. 'Bill Clinton started a conversation in the spring of 1971, and more than 30 years later we're still talking.'(That's cause he's got a lot a 'splainin' to do!)-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
ideas[86] = "A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[87] = "Remember when the only special effect was talent?-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[88] = "War is costly. Peace is priceless.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[89] = "There are so few American tourists in Paris, the French have to be rude to each another.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[90] = "Don't piss in the gene pool.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[91] = "It's illegal to blow your horn in Piano, Italy.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[92] = "At a trendy Hollywood steakhouse, you can order the director's cut.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[93] = "They call Saddam's adviser Ali Hassan al-Majidt, 'Chemical Ali' - but don't ask for a 'bio.'-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[94] = "Al Rasheed - It's More Than a Hotel' is the actual motto of the place where a secret underground army command center is rumored to be located.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[95] = "A four-letter word is a 'five-letter word' in French-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[96] = "The name, Sadam means 'one who confronts' in Arabic.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[97] = "On January 1, 1962, The Beatles failed an audition for a recording contract with Decca Records.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[98] = "To commemorate his victory in the Gulf War, Hussein built a Mother of All Battles mosque with minarets shaped like Scud missiles. Or are they Scud missiles?-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[99] = "The poor banana hasn't had sex in 10,000 years, is sterile, subject to dire diseases, and could be extinct within a decade. Another reason not to put 'em in the refrigerator.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[100] = "The camera was invented in the 12th Century but film hadn't been developed yet.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[101] = "Hussein demands that all yellow flowers be removed from public places.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[102] = "The real issue today is about Roe vs. Caviar.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[103] = "The last time we listened to a Bush, we wandered in the desert for 40 years.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[104] = "At the time of Pearl Harbor, the top Navy command was called CINCUS (sink us), the shoulder patch of the Army's 45th Infantry was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named Amerika.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[105] = "Woody Allen's late cinema set designer Mel Bourne always planted a copy of Robert Ludlum's 'The Bourne Identity' on every set.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[106] = "A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night: 5% said it was to get a glass of water; 12% said it was to go to the toilet; 83% said it was to go home.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[107] = "Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[108] = "The IATSE logo you see in every film's end credits is called 'The Bug.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[109] = "In 1959, the gas company sponsoring Playhouse 90's 'Judgement at Nuremburg' demanded that the word 'gas' be deleted from the script.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[110] = "An admirer of Russian President Putin has taught his dog to bark 'Vova', the diminutive of 'Vladimir'.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[111] = "Cross burning originated in the Scottish highlands as a means of communication between clans.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[112] = "'Pez' comes from the German word for peppermint, 'pfefferminz.'-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[113] = "I saw a plastic surgeon's SUV saying 'Need a Lift?' on the side.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[114] = "Did you ever wonder why you never see the headline: 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[115] = "If you can't spell nuclear war, you shouldn't start one.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[116] = "The camera was invented in the 11th century, but film hadn't been developed yet.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[117] = "If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[118] = "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[119] = "Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for week.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[120] = "I'm not saying Bush is dim, but it takes him 2 hours to watch '60 Minutes.'-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[121] = "Pop star Michael Jackson accepted his own self-created Artist of the Millennium award on MTV. Should have been the best self-created Plastic Surgery award.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[122] = "If you want to live like a Republican, vote Democrat.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[123] = "Mikhail Kalasnikov, the inventor of the assault rifle, wishes he'd invented the lawnmower, instead of the people-mower-downer.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[124] = "Eleven plus two, when you rearrange the letters is twelve plus one.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[125] = "On June 25, 1951, the first U.S. commercial color TV program was broadcast to 4 cities; but no one had a color TV, so nobody saw it.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[126] = "Tony Curtis, Frank Sinatra, Milton Berle and Jack Lemmon were at one time ape-masked members of Ernie Kovaks' Nairobi Trio.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[127] = "The EuroPacific Growth Fund Report describes Vivendi Universal as a 'multimedia giant that owns Universal Studios, pay-TV's CANAL+, the world's largest recorded music company (UMG), and owns major European interests in telecommunications, water treatment and -- waste management.'-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[128] = "There is a Hardin C. Cox Welcome Center in Rockport, MO.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[129] = "Because of the Gay Pride Weekend, you couldn't go 'straight' through West Hollywood. What a drag.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[130] = "Billy Bob Thorton is afraid of antique furniture.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[131] = "In Germany, speed bumps are called 'Dead Policemen.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[132] = "Dorothy Parker (Rothschild), was expelled from Catholic school for insisting that the Immaculate Conception was really spontaneous combustion.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[133] = "Most of Thorton Wilder's perennially popular 'Our Town' was penned in a small town outside of Zurich, Switzerland, according to my classmate, 'Tappy' Wilder.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[134] = "Rated PG for mild sensuality.-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[135] = "Result is garbage, takes pretender to White House office -- damn!' - Anagram of 'George Walker Bush-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
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ideas[136] = "A glass of beer garnished with an olive is known as 'a poor man's martini.'-- Phil's Phunny Phacts
"
// The random number generator.
function rand(n) {
seed = (0x015a4e35 * seed) % 0x7fffffff;
return (seed >> 16) % n;
}
var now = new Date()
var seed = now.getTime() % 0xffffffff
document.write(ideas[rand(ideas.length)])